My Heart Walked into Kindergarten Wearing a Spider Man Backpack

 

 

I didn’t cry the first day I dropped off Owen in Kindergarten.

Not one single tear dribbled down my face as I watched my heart confidently walk into that classroom with his spider man backpack. I felt like I had kicked this “letting go” thing in the you-know-what.

Don’t get me wrong I was beyond nervous and anxious about his first day… how would he adjust…would he make new friends…would he feel comfortable in this new, structured classroom environment…would his teacher realize how LUCKY she was to have such an awesome little man in her class…would he want to go back the second, third, fourth day…would he have fun?


 

 



So to prepare for the unknown, I did what most mamas do in that situation…I made the best first-day- of- school- lunch ever. That turkey and cheese sandwich was literally bursting with love, the bags of cookies and chips screamed you’re going to rock this day, and his two snacks, with his name written neatly in sharpie marker, well that shouted to anyone and everyone that his mama was so proud of him for taking this next big step.

Of course, he sailed right through the first week and is nearly finished with his second week of school. He has shared little stories about his days, what he has learned and which classmate’s behavior cards turned from green (good) to yellow (bad). He’s explained that his card has yet to turn yellow… because kids whose cards turn yellow and then red get in REAL big trouble. He did so well the first week that he even got to feed the goldfish TWICE (apparently this is like the first place trophy of good behavior)! He was also designated as the Super Star Door Monitor (yup, big job for my little kindergartener!) He has worked hard on all of his homework, colored those triangles, rectangles and squares…cut and categorized…and wrote out the numbers one through five a total of three times each like it was no one’s business! Yes, I am one proud mama.

 

I am absolutely blessed that I get to take him to school, watch him play on the playground (while his little cheering squad – aka Luke-watches on a bench just outside his preschool classroom), walk him to his kindergarten class each morning and say my goodbyes with a kiss and a quick back rub (which has now become our “new” hug). 

We are in a new groove and it feels amazing…but at the same time I’m finding that it is incredibly hard to let go. So much for thinking I was kicking this “letting go-thing” in the ass. So we’ll take this slow…I will give myself time and I’ll grant myself permission to squeeze his hand a little tighter, tell him I love him every opportunity I get, and get a box of tissues for the car and work because this mama is a hot mess and the tears that were meant for the first day are here and are absolutely taking no prisoners!

 

 

A Letter to My Son

Dear Owen:

Yesterday was your fifth birthday and for about a nanosecond I had this gut-wrenching thought that I ONLY have 13 more years with you until you graduate from high school…leave for college…start a job…travel…live your life. In my mind, 18 represents when the last fleck of sand leaves the top of the hourglass. I recognize that 13 years seems like for-ev-er, and you’ll be my son for eternity, but if the years go half as quickly as these first five I think the time will disappear like water evaporating on a hot cement pad. Slowly fading until it was as if the water stain never existed except in your memory. It feels like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital, all pink and wrinkly, and stared in wonder at your newness, breathed in your sweet smelling skin and embraced every inch of your tiny body.

On your fifth birthday you wore the Spider Man mask you got for your birthday along with your spidey jammies while we sang you the sweetest happy birthday song. Next week you will start your first day of kindergarten and my heart/mind is trying to keep up because I feel time just slipping from my grasp. You stood next to me yesterday and I found myself asking when did you get so tall? When did you become a “real” boy? Was I busy folding the loads of laundry you create while playing outside with your brother in the dirt, riding bikes, playing at the beach, doing artwork at the kitchen table?

My eyes and heart aren’t connecting these days because for whatever reason, I have always imagined you as being little forever…everyone around us growing older…but not you. You’ve grown and matured in so many ways this past year than any other year and your Mama is struggling to keep up.

So in honor of your “real” boy status I want to remind myself of all the little things that will keep the memory of my big (little) five year old boy with me for the rest of my days. 

Saluations: You are our Walmart Greeter. It doesn’t matter who the person is but you always, without fail, say “Hi, my name is Owen what’s yours”. We spent a week at a campsite near the beach recently and it was amazing to see the transformation that can happen with a little greeting. It didn’t matter if you were 5, 10, 20 or 60…you greeted everyone the same way – unfortunately you learned that not all people reciprocate your friendliness. Luckily this hasn’t stopped your outgoingness and it was so fun to watch the campsite folk embrace your salutations…by the end of our trip you were rarely ignored and I actually found other people greeting each other more often! You started a new campsite trend of saying hello!

On Your Grown Up Job: When I ask you what you want to be when you grow up you quickly respond that you want to be a Sea World Trainer. That is what a year-round pass to Sea World will do to a little 5 year old boy that loves the Shamu splash zone!

The Artist: Every day I can expect to find several new art masterpieces that you have created. You are always so thoughtful and rarely make something just for yourself but rather you create works of art for me, your daddy and even your brother. One morning I caught you taping three different sheets of construction paper together so that you could make your brother a large orca. It has become a small obsession for you and we decided early on that having uninhibited access to art supplies was a must if we wanted you to continue to grow your enthusiasm for coloring and creating. At your preschool this summer you learned about the solar system and Miss Judy placed your depiction (drawing) on the wall at school and made it a point to show all the teachers at the school what you were able to do. That picture is still on the fridge because it is truly amazing and we are so proud of your masterpiece.

Jabber Jaws: You talk from sun up to sun down. I wake up a little late sometimes in the morning and just sit in bed listening to you and your daddy talking in the kitchen. I can’t always make out the conversation but my heart is full when I hear you and your dad talking up a storm.

 You “HEART” Your Daddy: You adore your daddy and want to be just like him. You get so disappointed in the morning if daddy has gone for his run and you weren’t able to join him. When you do get to run with him, I love that you quickly glance up at your daddy every few steps in a state of complete bliss and enjoyment because you are sharing this special time.. Every time I see you sneak a peek at your daddy I seriously have to blink my eyes to keep the tears at bay.

Luke: You LOVE your brother fiercely. You are his biggest cheerleader especially when it comes to his potty training. You always tell him how proud you are of him and give him quick high five. You help wash his hands in the morning after breakfast. You sneak in hugs and tell him that you love him. You hold his hand wherever we go and make sure that he is safe.

Big Boy Bike: We never got the opportunity to train you how to ride a big boy bike with no training wheels. One day you just asked me to take off your training wheels and you never looked back. You are gaining more independence and every time we go to the park you ask if you can ride around the park – solo –we oblige while watching you like a hawk as you travel around all on your own.

Favorite Animal: You love anything that has to do with octopuses and have tons of books with lots of little totally unknown facts about these spectacular creatures. You are always good for educating others about how octopuses have tentacles and that if an eel bites off an octopus’ leg it will grow back. I always hope that someone you tell this to will someday be on Jeopardy and this will be one of the double-jeopardy questions!

Explorer: You are our very own Curious George. You are so inquisitive and ask a billion questions about everything. You are captivated by all creatures big and small. You have this innate love for nature and all things in it.

The Tri-athlete: You ask us at least once a week if we’ve signed you up for another triathlon. You beam and boast about your race, months after participating and you love to practice running, swimming and biking with your daddy.  

LOVE-R: You are the sweetest and most affectionate little boy I have ever met. You give the best hugs and we can almost solve any problem with some quiet time snuggling on the couch. Nearly every night after we’ve put you to bed you sneak back into our bedroom for some last minute goodnight hugs and kisses.

Little man, we love you to the moon and back. You are the most wonderful 5 year old and we are so blessed to have you in our life.

With all my love,
Mama

When he was three...

 I want to remember he was absolutely obsessed, like OCD obsessed, with orcas. Don't dare call them killer whales. He has little ones he bathes with and a big stuffed one that he sleeps with each night. His preschool has several orca whale toys and he has claimed every last one of them to the point that the other kids call the whales, Luke's Orcas.

I want to remember that he called hummingbirds "honey birds". I loved it so much that I never corrected him.

I want to remember how his teacher, Miss Stephanie would ask me how I can go to work each and every day and leave this amazing little man. How another one of his teachers, Miss Jenn, would tell me she hopes he never loses his LOVE FOR LIFE. He does every activity with passion, enthusiasm, and gusto.

I want to recall that he learned a little French the summer that he turned three. Apparently he liked to scream BON JOUR while chapel was in session.

I want to remember that he only had one level and that was really really loud. He was incapable of using his "inside voice".

I want to remember that he was not a morning person nor did he wake up from his afternoon naps or any sleepy time without immediately going into a crying fit.

I want to have memories of how he greeted his brother each and every morning with "My Owen". In fact, he did this at school whenever he saw Owen pass by his classroom.


I want to remember that he loved fruits and vegetables -- always finishing those on his plate first.

I want to remember that he loved to sing throughout the house.

He was silly, goofy and was constantly laughing at himself.

Happy Birthday my beautiful baby boy!